do boys have cooties?
Searches that brought people to Chicks Are Weird (quotes about cock blockers is pretty good too!)
- quitting booty call
- very responsible person
- gay boyfriend spooning
- women with huge cameltoes tight strech
- gay boyfriend spooning
- do boys have cooties
- why are chicks weird
- burning man men
- coco cameltoe
- homeless hooker porn
- the girl code
- sugar mamma
- sugar momma
- potpourri blow jobs
- quotes about cockblockers
- ladies sweat suits
- false pride
- how not to be a booty call
Hey Shorty
I’ve never really had a physical type that I’m attracted to. I’ve gone out with fatties and hairy guys and anorexic looking ones and baldy’s and homos and even blondes. Looks have never mattered much as long as there is a substantial amount of confidence, wit, intelligence & older-than-me-ness to make up for the spare tire or waxing needs.
But today I finally realized that I do have a type, but the thing is, this type is not a stereotypical type such as,
“Tall, dark and handsome” or
“Good manners, rich and Porsche” or
“Emotionally available and doesn’t live with mother”
Nope. In reviewing my past crushes I’ve realized that many of them are short. Like shorter than me if I’m in heels, but I do wear very tall shoes.
Many women are turned off by the vertically challenged, but I’ve notice the shorty’s generally have better personalities and look better than the giraffe’s because they probably have short mans complex, so have worked hard to maintain their appearances and senses’ of humor. The point of all this is to say that if you know a short guy that is funny and has a job please hook it up.
However,
if you know a tall guy that has short man traits that would be better because it’s much easier to sniff the armpits of a tall guy. Plus tall guys generally can’t fit into my pants and I’d never date a man who could wear my pants. That’s a deal breaker.
Spandex Camel Toe
Searches that brought people to Chicks Are Weird
- homeless hookers
- cropped tops
- ladies sweatsuits
- armpit sniffing
- nice sweat suits
- weird chicks
- myspace ruins relationships
- burning man relationships
- spandex cameltoe
- burning man dating
- burning man chicks
- fashion sweat suits
- joan jett hair
- hair hurts
- spandex camel toe
- girls buts
- burning man hookers
- chicks are weird
- character defects
- flirty acronyms
- myspace ruins lives
- guy doesn’t call
- erin herndon culver city
- i think my friend is cockblocking
- bulimic sociopath
do-over
Have you ever done IT with someone then wanted a do-over?
Not an, “I shouldn’t have done that, so I want to take it back.”
but more of a, “I don’t think I did a very good job, so would like another chance to show that my skill level is up to par and I was just having a bad night.”
Yeah, me either. But I do have this “friend” that has had such an experience.
bbq & babies
I used to live in Oakland (as in Oaktown, The biggity O, Oakland bitch, home of Ebonics and Too Short and Hammer pants). This was very lucky considering I love to eat ghetto barbecue! There is nothing as good as ghetto barbecue. Not a gosh darn thing. Outback Steakhouse Mac-N-Cheese is not as good as ghetto barbecue. A Big Boy Combo is not as good as ghetto barbecue. Your mom’s fine Italian cuisine is not as good as ghetto barbecue. Football might be as good as ghetto barbecue, maybe even better, but football isn’t edible therefore does not count.
Southerners from the Southern states like to talk about how they have the best barbecue, like cowboy barbecue, but it doesn’t even come close. Hollywood people haven’t a clue as to what barbecue even is. They try to send you all over town to have, “the best BBQ ever.” But it’s never the best BBQ ever. It’s too tangy. Tangy does not a good barbecue meal a make.
In Oakland I used to go to Everett and Jones. Everett and Jones (the old school University Ave. location, not the fancy new Jack London with normal tables and all the fanciness like silverware and napkins and stuff location) every night. A Chicken sandwich with potato salad and extra sauce with a nice flavored soda (strawberry, grape, fruit punch) was my thing.
The anticipation of that night’s meal would consume my every thought throughout the day. One time, while taking an essay style art history test, I believe I answered that Michelangelo’s Gates of Paradise must have been inspired by ghetto barbecue. My gal pals suggested I attend a group therapy session as they were tired of hearing me talk about nothing but that evenings’ meal. And when the magical dinner hour would arrive I would run, not walk, to Everett and Jones, or even Flints if it was an extra special night.
The weekends were extra special because that was the twice a day barbecue time! Some would say this is a problem. Those people obviously never had a good sauce.
One night while mentally prepping my taste buds for the fantasticness that was about to ensue at the C grade establishment my thoughts were brutally interrupted! The order taker lady asked me if I was pregnant. Throughout all phases of my phases of fatness never have I had a belly.
Big knees, yes.
Big thighs, yes.
Sausage link fingers, yes.
Big arms, still have those,
But never a belly!
As you can see this pregnancy question was highly confusing, so I asked her why.
She responded, “because you eat here everyday.”
Proper Attire
Required For Entry!
Meditation
“Meditation: being quiet as fuck for half an hour” – Boots!
its best
My brother just said his girlfriend gets cuter by the day. This is after being together for like 600 years. I love her to death, but sometimes wish he was still on the market. He’s a great catch!
couples are kind of selfish
The other thing that sucks about being single is how you get totally gypped at Christmastime and other gift giving occasions. It’s a completely out-of-whack barter system! Let’s say your family is all couples and all couples that purchase gifts together. So at Christmas you have to give a minimum two gifts per couple, but you only receive one. Now let’s say you are the only single person in a family of ten! You might get one birthday gift from a nuclear unit of 4, but you have to get all 4 of them presents individually throughout the year. On top of all that you have no one to share bills with.
I am totally beginning to understand coupling and nesting a whole lot better. it makes solid fiscal sense. However, what those selfish gift giving couples don’t have is the luxury of being able to watch whatever they want on TV at all times, so in the end it’s still a toss up 
spooning is good.
Good things about being in a relationship: spooning on demand, consistent humping, having a teammate for Trivial Pursuit (and other various team oriented board/parlor games), not listening to people suggest internet dating when you aren’t even complaining about being single and being told you’re not fat. Bad things about being in a relationship: morphing into a psycho.
The best way to avoid psycho metamorphosing is to have a really honest guy friend who will tell it like it is as opposed to telling it like you want to hear it. He should also be a good advice giver. For example, during my last relationship I got really mad at my gay boyfriend. It was justified because he was being a douche and also because he was being gay. This doucheness situation needed to be resolved, but history has shown when handled incorrectly doucheness levels can increase ten fold to twenty-five fold depending on the situation. I certainly didn’t want a doucheness factor increase so I asked The Fonz how to handle the situation. He advised, “speak in a matter of fact way in 5 sentences or less exactly how men would speak to one another” I never knew this was possible for a girl brain, but gave it a shot and you know what? There was no fight and I got exactly what I wanted coupled with an apology even! Then later that night The Fonz asked me to tell his girlfriend the story…she just rolled her eyes! Anyhow, It seems most people prefer to be “right” than they prefer to have a situation resolved, so something as lame as deciding which movie to watch turns into WWIII which is another bad thing about being in a relationship, movie compromising.
