Chicks Are Weird

Hi Everyone! I would like to tell you how flexible I am by letting you know that I’ve changed my policy on deleting people and that yes, I do think too much, but you would too if you sat in a brick room for nine hours a day. The policy change was decided when I realized that this supposed “friend” of mine has terrible manners and is not a very nice person. I thought, “Wish I hadn’t announced that deleting people is dumb because I’d sure like to get rid of this fool, so I don’t have to see his silly bulletins about his band and have to ignore him anymore.” I haven’t deleted him yet, but I deleted like 5 of my friends bands and a couple of people I haven’t talked to in years and only met once and you know what, it was liberating! Like I’m a new woman! Other then getting off the sauce deleting people was by far the best thing I have ever done for myself!

Anyhow, you know how there are boy codes and girl codes about dating and guys say Bros Before Hos aka the law stating that men should always keep their buds before the significant other aka gotta keep the priorities straight yo? And girls say they are Girls Girls, but they really aren’t? I think girls say that because they have never been given clear cut guidelines on what being down for “your” girl means. Like I don’t think some chicks know that humping a guy that has dated and fucked over her friend isn’t very sisterly. And that being down for your girls has nothing to do with being a whore and stabbing your gal pals in the back (selfish, self-centered, self-seeking). Guys are lucky to have that whole Bros B4 Hos to follow, but us gals are left in the dark trying to figure things out on our own. In the spirit of being of service I’d like to set some clear cut guidelines that can be followed by any woman who doesn’t want to go to hell for being a whore.

The first step must be to define whore. There are 2 ways to define a whore, with some exceptions. If you meet one of the guidelines you may not be a whore because maybe you took the whore action one time only and were on drugs, but if you meet two of them you are definitely a whore and need to seek help immediately.

- If you have slept with someone you just met, like a one night stand situation with someone you don’t know.  If you have done this then you may be a whore.

- If you have dated/flirted with someone that I am currently seeing after we stop seeing each other or before I was seeing him, then you are most likely a whore.

And that’s all!

As with all rules there are exceptions. If you are a friend of the girl that sleeps with strangers then ignore the first guideline. That applies only to women that you aren’t friends with. We all know that your true girlfriends can do anything/one they want without ever being a whore.  That is unless that friend does a number 2 (a number 2!) If your “friend” flirts with someone that you are seeing or were seeing within a non rational cooling off period then that “friend” is definitely a whore, no ifs ands or buts. Sometimes there doesn’t even have to be a rational cooling off period.  Certain guys are just off limits and the girls that talk to you about their problems and then hump or try to hump or flirt with your exes (when they know it’s your guy or ex) are screwing more than him if you know what I mean wink wink nudge nudge.

Now that you are able to define if you are a whore, let’s break down how to not be a super backstabbing whore. Being a whore is bad enough without being a super backstabbing one also. If you are a fan of your gal pals Seconds please re read the paragraph above and then read below.

If you want a guy that your friend is currently dating or was dating you must examine your intentions. First off if you want a guy your friend is currently dating then you are a semi-whore. If your friend was dating him and broke up like a few weeks ago and you flirt with him then you are a whore. If you’re friend has had a crush on him for 100 years and you go out with him just because he’s cute and you are a lonely shell of a person and you don’t think it is going to be true love forever then you are a whore and there is no redemption for that until someone does that same thing to you, it wipes the slate clean.  That is unless your friend with the crush claims basically all men.  If she claims all men as, “I’ve had a crush on him forever” then she is very selfish because there is no one else in town that is left to have a crush on and she does not have your best interests at heart!  Now sometimes a gal may have a crush on a boyfriend that isn’t hers and doesn’t know exactly when the backstabbing should begin.  I thought I’d give “her” some guidelines to follow.

If he’s a current boyfriend of anyone I love (including myself) you are never allowed to date him ever. Please don’t go fishing in our leftovers. There are plenty of guys willing to have sex with you, so just go for them. Also, If he is one of my friends current boyfriends, you are never allowed to date him unless you and my friend don’t get along in which case she already knows you are a whore and the only thing that will happen to you is that you will definitely end up with some kind of disease that all whore women should get. Like bubonic plague.

I mean are you so lonely that your loyalty is to a guy you hardly know rather than a gal you have some kind of connection to? I don’t know about this karma stuff, but I know about this eye for an eye stuff.  Why not just flirt with someone that’s available instead of vying for the attn. of every guy in the 323/310/818.

Now in regard to dating someone’s ex, there are people that are just off limits and this of course depends on your level of friendship with the girl. But please remember when playing in the ex of a friend files that the guy is usually still calling the ex girlfriend (who is now your ex friend) telling her how he misses her, so you are really ass out because even if he did the dumping guys always miss the ex.  (That is if the ex is one of my friends not if the ex is some undercover whore bag.)

Here’s the deal, if they are broken up within a year hands off. If it’s a girl you share secrets with its hands off for 5 years or until the girl gives the ok at which time you should laugh because there is no chance in hell you would hook up with a friends ex because you are a good person that lives a life for long term contentment over instant gratification like a 15 year old does.  Unless you think marriage is in the future.  In that case it’s perfectly okay and I’m serious.  Unless you think marriage is in the future of every man you date, in which case, well,  how many times have you been married so far?  Exactly.

The best policy whore test is if there is a chick that you shared intimate secrets (well you thought they were, but apparently they weren’t intimate if she is stabbing your back) and she flirts with someone she knows you had something with but acts like nothing is up then she is a big time slag bag. If she is like “oh I didn’t know and blah blah” then she isn’t a whore.

And guys, please don’t be upset that i am teaching girls how not to be whores. You don’t want to catch whore cooties anyhow. and i apologize for my language!