Whats Your Score on the Slut-O-Meter? Take This Quiz to Find Out!
Author: Allison James | Filed under: Relationships/Dating, Top Posts | No Comments »My latest for sportielab.com
- According to social standards if you have big boobs and dress like a “dancer” then you are a slut.
You might be a virgin, but it doesn’t matter. A virgin in a mini skirt and 5 inch platform heels is still a ho!
- According to double standards a man can get jiggy with the entire city of Hollywood and will never be considered a regular whore.
Just a man whore
….which just makes more women want to meet his man sausage!
- According to me, sluttiness is simply determined by if you humped my boyfriend…
or if you humped a guy i wish was my boyfriend, or used to be my boyfriend or a guy who is my imaginary boyfriend.
Just because a gal is sucking on a blow pop while doing the splits people should not assume she is easy, but standards exist for a reason.
So people can judge you!
You need to know how people view you so you can live up to their expectations!
If you don’t know where you land on the slut-o-meter take this quiz to find out.
The Slut Test
1. How many people have you had sex with?
- A. ZERO. I’m saving myself for the perfect man who exists only in my head. He will rescue me! He loves romantic comedies, long walks on the beach and spooning.
- B. My real number or the one I tell my boyfriends?
- C. 4-9. The National Average (triple that if you live in Los Angeles, NYC or were a hippy)
- D. Do blow jobs count?
- E. I stopped counting at 150.
2. Who is your role model?
- A. The Jonas Brothers. And nuns.
- B. Jessica Simpson or Britney Spears during their fake virgin years.
- C. My mom is my hero.
- D. Sex and the City Samantha
- E. Angelyne. and Debbie –who did Dallas.
3. Fill in the blank. Sex is…
- A. Sacred. My body is a temple.
- B. Lucrative. How else do you get guys to buy you stuff?
- C. An ingredient for love. I cherish nothing more than making love with my soul mate -by candlelight -listening to the sounds of the forest CD.
- D. Cheaper than therapy.
- E. Vital. You can survive 3 days without water and 3 minutes without oxygen. Humping falls somewhere in between.
4. How far will you go on the first date?
- A. Hand holding. But only if I REALLY like him. And if our chaperone approves.
- B. I’ll dress in a schoolgirl outfit and talk about hot girl-on-girl action –then end the date with a kiss on the cheek. – Or a handshake.
- C. Mouth Kiss -full tongue party.
- D. Handy/Blowski depending how drunk/emotional I am.
- E. All the way. If the chump can’t hump there’s no need to pursue the relationship!
5. What’s your favorite song?
- A. Anything by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
- B. Any song I can be a fake lesbian and leg hump my girlfriends to.
- C. Kenny G. Michael Bolton. I enjoy a little Bon Jovi from time to time after a glass of wine.
- D. Bad Reputation
- E. Ain’t No Fun (If the Homies Can’t Have None)
6. Fill in the blank. I’ve had sex with 3 guys…
- A. O.M.G. Gross! Tell me who would do that because I need to delete them from Facebook!
- B. Before age 16. Daddy issues.
- C. Total. In college with my first love, one drunken mistake (oopsie don’t tell) and my husband.
- D. Last week. In my defense my heart was broken and I only hooked up with people I’ve humped before…which means it does NOT count.
- E. Last week -All three at the same time.
7. What’s your philosophy on threesomes?
- A. 3 of what?
- B. I’ll pretend to be into it to make my boyfriend happy. I talk about it ALL THE TIME, but just do that for attention.
- C. Sharing does mean caring! And if he wants to share he can find someone else to do it with. R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
- D. To each his own. I’ve tried a few times. Usually while drunk or after a break up. Never works out, but I’ll keep trying until I find the right experience. I’m no quitter.
- E. Teamwork makes the dream work!
8. How many people have you had sex with at the same time?
- A. I refuse to answer this question. I have morals!
- B. I’ve had a threesome with my ex. There was a list of rules he had to follow…like he wasn’t allowed to go ANYWHERE near the other woman.
- C. I once kissed a girl during truth or dare while drunk in college. There were like ten people in the room.
- D. Threesome.
- E. Infinity-some.
9. Do you think you’re a slut?
- A. NO!!
- B. I’m all talk. No follow through.
- C. One time my husband and I were feeling frisky so we made love on the couch instead of the bed. That was a wild night.
- D. Define slut.
- E. No. People just assume I am because I’m hot. And also because I bang everyone.
10. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve made whoopee?
- A. I haven’t, but would do it through a hole in a sheet on my wedding night.
- B. Kay’s Jewelers. He just bought me a present.
- C. A Bed. Don’t tell, but there was the one time on the beach in Malibu on our anniversary. He he he.
- D. Burger King Bathroom.
- E. “That’d be the butt, Bob.”
Determine if you answered mostly A, B, C, D or E. See below.
A. Goody Two Shoes.
You love your innocence like a fat kid loves cake, but you shouldn’t!
The world won’t end if you let a guy touch your boobs!
Plus admit it, you do not want to be a virgin, it’s just a lack of opportunity.
OR you are a reformed skank pretending to be pure. Time to work on your acting skills because no one is falling for that one!
Those are the only reasons anyone would make the conscious decision to be a Prude-y Judy.
B. Fair-Weather Tramp.
You are a member of the She-Woman Man Haters Club.
You have figured out the fine art of using a man’s sex drive against him aka you are a tease.
You surround yourself with guys and giggle -a lot. You’re super smart for someone who pretends to be such a bimbo and you give regular chicks a bad name.
You’re the kind of girl that thinks playing dumb and being hot will get you far in life…
and it will
Just so long as you are willing to sacrifice your soul just so some guy will buy you a pair of shoes or a trip to Sizzler.
C. Non-Practicing Virgin.
You’re completely average and wear a lot of flower print summer dresses.
People probably fall asleep while you are talking.
Sure you are good at baking and scrap booking, but this does not a good life make.
On the outside you are the perfect mold of what society wants women to be.
On the inside cry yourself to sleep while spooning with a bottle of vodka.
You look at fun people and want to be like them. That’s why you dress like a skanky nurse on Halloween!
Way to make the most of your life, soccer mom.
D. Ho in Training.
You’re not a full blown whore bag yet..NO you’re just SUPER fun & popular…
So guys like to hang out with you in the middle of the night!
You might not be the most innocent lady on the block. You might not even be a lady. But you know how to spell fun and that with a capital DO ME BABY.
You are comfortable with your body and definitely comfortable around a man’s body.
Actually you’re comfortable around A LOT of man bodies.
Some think you are not wife material,
But you are definitely good at B.J’s and NO ONE can take that from you.
E. Super Slut.
You are a super hero! You serve your community by giving the people what they want most
ORGASMS!!!
You might drink too much. You might need to get your roots done. You might think it’s okay to display ass cleavage. You might walk funny. And everyone might hate on you, but guess what?
You’re never alone on Friday night, so who is the real winner?
Part 2: BONUS QUESTIONS
Add the points following each question.
- Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? +1
- Do you have 5 different baby daddies? +2
- Have you ever done IT with a stranger? +1
- Have you ever done IT with a stranger who was also famous? (If so, subtract 1 point. Famous people don’t count!)
- Are you obsessed with live action role playing games? -5
- Have you ever quoted “The Notebook”? -2
- Have you ever said to a guy, “I can’t believe I did this”? +1
- Were you lying to him because you totally believe you did that, but didn’t want him to think you’re easy? +2
- Have you ever shopped for non-Halloween clothes at Fredericks of Hollywood, The Pleasure Chest or on Hollywood Blvd.? +1
- Do you have a tramp stamp? +1
- Is your tramp stamp something mystical like a dolphin, fairy or rainbow? If so +2
- Can you relate to anyone on The Bad Girls Club or Rock of Love? If so, +2
- Do you yell “woohoo” A LOT especially when greeting your girlfriends at a bar? +5
- Have you ever hooked up with a guy you met on MySpace, Facebook or Twitter? +1
- Have you done this more than once? +2
- Have you been told you are a skeeze immediately following coitus? +1
RESULTS:
Fewer than 2. You are a Puritan. Seriously, just get laid. Virginity is nothing to be proud of.
2-7 Points. You are an Accidental Skeeze. You can get a bit crazy after a night of drinking, but nothing that happens while drunk counts!
7-10 Points. You are a Slut Apprentice. You are working your way toward full-blown hoochie!
10 Points and Above. Congratulations! You are a certified Slutosaurus!
Now you know who and what you are. Wear it like a badge of honor.
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