How to Dress So Chicks Will Make Out With You

Author: Allison James | Filed under: Real Good Ideas, Top Posts | No Comments »

Hey boys, want to get more action?

If so, the first step is to understand the female brain!

There are 5 criteria chicks use to decide if they will make out with you:

• How hot you are.
• How your hotness increases her stock value to other men.
• If her friends are jealous of her because you are so hot.
• If you’re hot enough to give her cute babies.
• If she is recently single, desperate or drunk.

If you want to attract an ugly chick no need to keep reading. Just give her a Lord of the Rings DVD box set, patchouli oil and some butter.  She’s yours.

But if you want to make out with a hot chick you’re gonna have to look like a hot piece of man candy!

It’s time to dress to impress…

- Every woman wants to bang Tom Selleck. Every woman also wants a guy who has hit puberty.

Tom Selleck +

Puberty =

If you want to get laid you need a sweet mustache!

The problem is mustaches are super trendy right now, so it’s tough to stand out.

MUSTACHE TIPS:

If you can pull off the Tom Selleck go for it, but your outfit should include a Hawaiian shirt and a Ferrarri.

Steer clear of the Charlie Chaplin unless you are wearing a top hat or are a mute. People might confuse your rad Chaplin ‘stache with a Hitler…which definitely won’t get you laid.

- You know how when you walk by a barbecue you want meat?  You should smell like something that makes her want YOUR meat.  Two words:

Drakkar Noir.

**PRO TIP:  If you live in Los Angeles and don’t have tattoos you are getting 75% less vajayjay then you should be.

-  It’s difficult for people to commit if they aren’t clones of one another.  You haven’t learned to share common interests with a lady which is why no one wants to play with your man sausage. Thats why the best part about weddings are the invitations.  They always feature an educational love quote like,

“Two souls but with a single thought.”

Some things women like are hats, necklaces, cute boy shorts and Hello Kitty.  Your goal should be to combine as many of these things into your outfit as possible.  This way your crush knows you have things in common!

NOTE: A good mentor for accessory bonding is Flava Flav.  You should ALWAYS emulate Flava Flav.  Some people call this “peacocking” but I just call it showing a common interest in fashion accessories… which makes you humpable.

- The best type of woman is a co-dependent one.  She wants nothing more than take care of you!  To score one of these gems you must appeal to her need to fix you.  What better way to show you are broken than with a wheelchair!

Wheel chair = sponge bath = naked = swapping spit tongue party!

- There is a sales technique called “mirroring the customer”. Basically, if you imitate someone they are more likely to trust you.  No respectable woman will make out with you if you are not in her circle of trust!

She has nipples.

You have nipples.

Wear a tight shirt that shows them off!  Turn on the air conditioning.  Boom. 7 digits.

-  If you really like a chick you probably have done some recon work.  You probably know her favorite food, music and movie.  Dress like her favorite movie character.  Not only does this show you are going to be fun on Halloween, but it also shows you are an active listener!

**PRO TIP:  Get a puppy.  Take it with you… EVERYWHERE

- Nothing says “I’m not hot” like a boring head of hair.   Nothing says, “Give me a little sugar, Boo” like a hair hat!

-  Where do you go to find drunken sluts?

A dance party!

What do you wear to a dance party?

Spandex!

Spandex is a double threat.  It goes great with dance parties and it shows her what kind of heat you are packing.

Get some mints, gum, breath strips, Scope and Binaca.  You’re gonna need it!

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