Christmas Gifts That Are Guaranteed to Get You Laid!

Author: Allison James | Filed under: Real Good Ideas, Top Posts | No Comments »

Finding the perfect holiday gift for your lady can be a nightmare!

If you get something generic she’ll complain that you don’t think she’s special. If you get the wrong gift she’ll complain that,

“you don’t know me at all!”

Either way you’ll have to listen to her talk about her feelings for 6 hours!

What women want is simple:

To be rescued by Prince Charming!

But if you don’t have a white horse what are you going to get her that won’t require you to fake listen to her emotional break down because you got her pajamas instead of an engagement ring?

Stuff Chicks Like:

• Chocolate
• Hearts
• Bunnies
• Oprah
• Feelings
• Sex & the City
• Pink
• Saying “OMG”
• Being whistled at from car windows
• Hello Kitty
• Ryan’s. Reynolds/Gosling
• Cock blocking
• Being barefoot and pregnant
• Botox
• Dieting
• Talking
• Talking
• Talking

If your gift falls under one of the above categories she probably won’t cry, but she probably won’t invite you into her pants either.  If you want Christmas sex keep reading…

-  If there is one thing chick’s love it’s feelings!

Their favorite hobbies include crying, overreacting and more crying!

But what a gal loves more than feelings is when a man tends to her emotional needs!

The best way to do that is by spooning.

But what if you’re the kind of guy that doesn’t want to spoon OR what if you aren’t around to spoon?  You certainly don’t want your lack of spooning to throw her into the arms of the milkman!

Get her the cuddle pillow!

-  What chick’s like more than having feelings is to talk about them.  Give the gift of listening with prepaid therapy sessions.

-  A baby.

-  Sometimes the most precious gifts aren’t the most expensive.  They are the ones from the heart.  A handmade item shows that your gift includes a dash of love…

- Warning: If you are in a new relationship do NOT get her anything for her home. She’ll think you want to move in!

Instead get something pet related. Chicks love their pets more than they love actual human beings or cookies.

It’s because when the cookies run out their pets distract them from the fact that they will most likely die alone!

Smart guys use this knowledge to their advantage.  No guy actually cares about a pet hamster, but he does care about getting freaky sex time.  They know the key to her freaky side is to pretend to like her poodle.

This is why a pet shirt makes a perfect gift.  He can pretend to like her cat while secretly planning to invade her love tunnel.

and if she’s Jewish…

OR glamour shots!

-  Chocolate.

Just kidding!

Don’t buy her anything that will make her:

• look fat
• get fat
• think she is fat

This includes a gym membership or the thigh master!  No matter how often she talks about “wanting to join a gym” do NOT even get her workout clothes.

Then she will think, that you think, that she is fat!

Avoid food related gifts at all costs. Unless it has to do with wieners.

-  They say diamonds are a girls best friend.  It’s true.  You can’t go wrong with diamonds.  At the same time you’re feeling the Christmas spirit so want to show her what you like about her most.  Vajazzle!

-  You know how your lady looks really pretty at night then magically transforms into a horselike troll witch woman come morning time?  It’s because ladies use a variety of false advertising techniques to trick you into thinking they are hot.

• Push up bras
• Hair color
• Botox
• Photoshop
• Getting you drunk

Embrace it.

-  Glock

-  Chicks Love Shoes. They also love food.

If these gifts don’t get you laid immediately break up with her.  She’s obviously a lesbian.  Nothing wrong with lesbians, but the money you spent on gifts definitely will not get you any action!

And if you missed the gift guide for dudes CLICK HERE !!

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