You want to be a Star & your day job makes you want to poke your eyes out. Read this!

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They say Los Angeles is the land of make believe.

Rubbish!

L.A. is where you get discovered and become a big star within 24 hours of getting off the Greyhound Bus from Podunk USA!

However there are rare moments when record deals aren’t handed out on the corner or sad moments once you realize you might actually have to work to get a modeling job.  Remember,

-A perfect 10 in Indiana is only a perfect 3 in Los Angeles.

Read the rest of this entry »

How to Impress Boys by Pretending to Like Football

Cosmopolitan Magazine says if you want to impress a guy you should laugh at his jokes, wear a push up bra, buy him beer and never be yourself.  But they forgot the most important ingredient:

-You must like football!

If you don’t watch football you are missing out on a valuable man hunting technique.  Studies show that football watching is the simplest way to trick a man into putting a ring on it.

Here are some tips and tricks on how to impress boys by pretending to like football.

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How to Get Revenge on an Ex-Boyfriend

Ever been cheated on with a homeless hooker on Valentine’s Day?

I have!

It was not very awesome, but I’m grateful because it inspired the Lip Venom for All Womankind Campaign^TM

Read the rest of this entry »

4 Reasons Women Give Compliments & 2 Reasons Men Do.

I’ll admit it – I have purchased Cosmopolitan Magazine.

The covers are good at tricking you into thinking if you read the magazine you will become a stylish love goddess!  It’s important for women to master stylish love goddess skills because this is how to make other women like you or become jealous of you.  You want women to like and/or be jealous because that’s the best way to get compliments!

When a woman compliments another woman it’s for one of four reasons:

Read the rest of this entry »

Emotional Turmoil over Donuts

Boss brought donuts to work today – real dick move.

While contemplating donut consumption co worker offers a motivational quote from Kate Moss,

“Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”

Remembering what skinny felt like, I agreed and offered the same motivation to my pal Panda.

He replied,

“Nothing tastes as good as free food.”

I had a banana.

Reminder: Booty is Subjective

Chivalry, Please Don't Be Dead

Don’t know if it’s the feminist movement or current hip hop or reality tv that has caused it, but chivalrousness has become a rare commodity.  The good news for men is if you are willing to walk a gal to her car at night, without her having to ask first, you will be her hero.  Becoming her hero means a higher likelihood of getting in her pants!  The best part is you will be rewarded for doing what you’re supposed to be doing anyhow!  Easy brownie points.

spooning is good.

Good things about being in a relationship:  spooning on demand, consistent humping, having a teammate for Trivial Pursuit (and other various team oriented board/parlor games), not listening to people suggest internet dating when you aren’t even complaining about being single and being told you’re not fat.  Read the rest of this entry »

Credit Cards & Shoes

A responsible person uses credit only in case of emergency.  It’s the fiscally responsible thing to do.  Credit cards can get a lot of people into a lot of trouble, therefore it is suggested that if at all possible, they should be used strictly for “get out of a jam” situations.  Situations such as a car break down, flooded basement, medical emergencies, etc.  I found myself in a similar situation last week where it was imperative I use a credit card.  The emergency was a “shop so I don’t hang out with my ex boyfriend” emergency.  Read the rest of this entry »

Men Love Pizazz

There are many things I don’t mind playing second fiddle to: family, career, boy’s night out, poker, beer, other women and a delicious tostada salad. Sometimes people have to come second to the things I find important such as football, closet organization, cheeseburgers, shopping, reading the books, washing the hair and Tupperware parties. People have priorities that don’t always match. Neither do people have to understand why another persons’ priorities are important. They are what they are.

What’s confusing though is when anyone has any kind of priority that comes before me! Read the rest of this entry »

newsflash

If a guy tells you he is an asshole it’s important to believe him.

He is not lying.  This does not mean that he is incapable of doing nice things such as telling you that you have a great ass or purchasing a delicious slurpee treat as a gift item.  It just means that sometime down the road when he does something real assholey like slapping cheeks with your sister you will get to hear, “I told you I’m an asshole.”

It’s a classic example of the set up.  He is preconditioning you and its very important to hear what they are saying because they are basically foreshadowing a future event or 5.  It’s a common tactic amongst, well, assholes.

So you must decide if you really want to date a guy that told you straight up that he is going to behave like a prick then instead of doing what most people do which is not acting like a prick he will instead throw an “I told you so” around as if it’s your fault that he is a douche.  So stay away even if he has good hair and/or loves hamburger hamlet French onion soup.